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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by! the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please. "

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies,
"Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Another funny joke!!

Man driving down road.

Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, PIG!!

Man yells out window,


Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in the middle of road and dies.

Thought for the day: If only men would listen.

· Premium Member
2,887 Posts
Ya'll heard the one about the woman taking her dying bird to the vet? The vet told her "Maam, that bird is dead, I can't help you. If you accept that you only owe me $20 for an office visit."

"I don't care how much it costs, do something. run some tests. If there is any life left in that bird, save it."

The doc tried to convince her it would be a waste of money, but she insisted.
"Have a seat here and I'll send in technicians to run tests."

A few moments passed and a cat wandered into the room. The woman watched the cat go straight to the bird, sniffed it, hair bristling, back arching high, the cat hissed, then left the room. Then a black labrador entered, licked all over the bird, sniffed it, let his tail droop, then let out a lonesome howl.

The doctor entered the room. "Maam, we're convinced the bird is dead." The woman complained "You haven't run any tests. How can you be so sure?" The doc replied "Oh, yes, we ran tests and here's your bill. You owe $220."
"WHAT?", cried the woman. "For an opinion you said would cost $20?"

"Well, the $20 is for my opinion. $100 is for the cat scan and another $100 is for the lab report."


· Registered
619 Posts
Good one, Jim. Here's another bird...
Ther's this lady, walks by a pet store every day on her way to work. The store owner gets a parrot, which he sets up in the doorway. This parrot starts to talk trash to the lady every time she walks by. He says, "Boy, you are one ugly broad. You gotta be the fattest thing in 5 miles" So on & so on. Well, after a few days, the lady gets tired of the trash-talking parrot, so she walks in the store and complains to the owner. "This parrot has been calling me ugly, fat, and every rude word he could think of since the first time I saw him. I demand you stop him from doing it!" Well, the next day she walks by the store, and the parrot looks like he has had his a** handed to him. Beat up, bandages head to toe, just in rough shape. Well, she looks at him, and he says nothing. She stops, walks back and forth in front of him, nothing. Well, the parrot must have learned his lesson, she thinks. As she turns to walk away, she hears the words, "YOU KNOW!". :eek: :D

· Registered
1,316 Posts
Well heres my 2 cents : theres a guy in a bar and he asks the bartender if he wants to make a bet, the bartender says sure. the guy bets him a hundred dollars that he can bite his eye, the bartender chuckles and says your on, so the man pops out his right glass eye and bites it. The bartender pays up. So about 2 beers later the man says hey bartebartender wanna try towin your hundred back? The bartender says hell yes! The man bets him that he can bite his other eye, so the bartender says theres NO way you got two glass eyes, so he gos double or nothing, the man pulls his dentures out and bites his left eye. The bartender is furious. So the man walks around the bar, talks to a few people and returns to the bar. He says to the still mad bartender, I'm gonna give you a chance to win you two hundred bucks back: i bet you that you can go to the other end of the bar and sling a beer mug as hard as you can down here I'll jump on the bar and piss in the mug and not get a drop on your bar, the bartender says your on thats impossible! So the bartender gets on the other end and slings the mug as hard as he can, the man jumps on the bar and pisses all over it didn't get a drop in the mug! The bartender starts laughing and says you lost give me my two hundred back! So as the man is pulling the bartenders money out he says you did win your two hundred back but i bet those guys down there 1500 bucks that i could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it!

· Banned
532 Posts
Disclaimer - cleaned up to protect the innocent .....

Two non southern guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the loaded tackle box, Chevy Pickup, z22 Ranger Bass boat, and even a cabin at a premiere lake in Alabama. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One of the non southern guys turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that one lousy fish we caught cost us three thousand bucks?"

The other non southern guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
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